Thursday, March 6, 2008

Three going on thirty.

Lyric says to me in the car today out of nowhere
"If you ever can't come home I'll take care of your baby for you."

me:"What do you mean?"

L:"If you died or got lost I would keep Kaliya as my baby and make her happy all the time. Dont worry about your baby."

I was so caught offguard that all I said was "Thank you." What a deep- thinking little soul I have. And one lucky little baby.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Brain Explosions

It is crazy what three days can do in a baby's life. Kaliya has learned the following new tricks in the last 3 days:

*say "Hi"

*wave bye bye

*sign "more"

*sign "milk"

*sign "eat"

*sit up from lying down on her own

* almost crawl

* 16 poops in a row on the potty

* tip a cup on her own

* splash in the tub

*walk holding onto fingers

Three days ago I felt like I had a little baby. Today I feel like I better start saving for her grad dress. :(

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Happy Birthing Day to Me.

Well as of yesterday I have been a mommy for exactly 3 years now. Wow. I can remember delivering Lyric into the world like it was yesterday. Perhaps thats becasue L watches her birth story every other day lol. Seriously though March 3rd will always be a proufoundly important day to me. The day I became mommy. I think it strange that birthdays are not a shared day of celebration for the mother and child. Sadly this thought never even crossed my mind as a daughter and it is too late for me now to honor my own mother on my birthday. If you have a mother, surprise her this year with a flower and a card that says "Happy Birthing Day." I can almost promise you your birthday was profound and transformational for her; especially if you are her oldest or only child. Sometime in the future I have alot to write about what it is like to become a mother without your mother around. There is alot for me to say.
On a related note I highly encourage you to see the documentary "The Business of Being Born." It is great and I love the message that birthing is a transforming experience and not just "one day of your life." See it. Then talk to me about it.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Sick Babies

I have determined the worst part of single motherhood. Even worse than the celibate lifestyle and lack of sleep is when your babies are sick. How is it possible to comfort two sick babies at one time??? Lyric is soo soo sick today she has been asleep for 20 of the last 24 hours and has a fever of 104 degrees. (could explain the birthday meltdown yesterday). She cant stand up and has peed the bed 3 times because she cant move. She needs me touching her at all times. Kaliya is only mildly sick in comparison but enough that noone but mommy is acceptable. I've only left their side to pee and even then they both sob the whole time. All I can think of is what if I were sick right now too??? What would I do?? If you are reading this please send positive healing vibes to my babies and strength for me to make it through what is sure to be an exhausting night.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

My highly sensitive child

I read a book that changed me. It is called "The Highly Sensitive Child" and it describes my Lyric perfectly. As much as I hate to label, no phrase could describe Lyric as well as "highly sensitive". The basic premise is that 15% of the population (across all species; interestingly) is born with a nervous system that works better than average or is more sensitive. Their eyes, ears, tastes work better, they are very emotionally sensitive and notice EVERYTHING. This is a great trait to have in many ways. My daughter points out so many minute and beautiful details of life to me. She notices and remembers everything. She can connect deeply with people one-on-one. She is aware of other people's feelings and is generally kind and gentle. She is very aware of safety and I never worry about her getting hurt or going missing. She learns quickly and gets humour.
It can also however be frustrating and exhausting. Because she notices everything, she finds it hard to ignore little details. Seams on socks, tags on underwear, heavy coats, boots that dont bend enough; all of these drive her crazy and make it hard not to focus on it. She only likes to wear "fuzzy clothes". If these clothes get a bit dirty or wet she needs to change them. Also her feelings get hurt deeply. She likes to observe rather than participate until she is comfortable and gets overwhelmed by lots of noisy kids. I don't think her preschool teacher heard her talk for 2 months.
Birthday parties are tricky. She LOVES to plan her birthday and all the people who will come. However reality can be overwhelming. So many kids, so much noise and then everyone wanting to make her the centre of attention etc. means a meltdown pretty much every year. For her first and second birthday she bawled when everyone sang Happy Birthday. So today (3!) I had them sing to me (after all I gave birth to her). I know after the fact she'd be sad if there was no birthday song but would cry if everyone stared at her and sang. It worked all right - if a little weird. We also didnt open gifts at the party. This was really hard for me as it felt a bit rude but I tell myself it would be worse if she cried the whole time and told everyone she didnt want their gifts. I know how excited she'll be to open her gifts without the audience and plan to take pictures of her with them and send them pictures with Thank You cards. Despite being overwhelmed the second half of the party, by us not pushing it she is already talking about how much fun she had.
It is a struggle for me to accept this challenge of raising a sensitive introverted child with respect and gentleness. I am someone who gets energized by being around people and she finds crowds drain her energy. I try not to be sad that she doesn't love being adventurous and is so cautious of her safety she misses chances for fun. I hate that she is most comfortable in ugly fleece jogging suits instead of the cute clothes I'd have her wear.
I love how much I am growing as a mom as I learn to understand and respect what makes her tick. I have learned to let go of other peoples opinions that I cater to her or am too lenient. I dont put value on her physical appearance and she knows I love her for who she is. I love how deeply connected her and I are and how she points out things about myself I never noticed. I love that she has others in her life that she trusts and opens up to and lives joyously in her own way.
I hope I continue to understand her and grow as her mother.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Giving it another go.

So I haven't been a very good blogger so far. I think in part its because so much of my life is out there on the internet already, I feel redundant. I post ALOT on a parenting group I belong to and Facebook like a madwoman. Also I feel boring that all I have to write about are funny stories about my kids. Its like when you talk to an old friend who doesn't have kids yet and you talk about your kids for a minute and then they say, "SO what else have you been up to besides the kids?" My mind goes blank and I cant think of anything cool to say at all. I'd love to say, "Oh well I just got back from Africa, bought a really awesome motorcycle, and have tickets to a great show tonight." However I am not Angelina Jolie. My days are about playdough and poop; breastfeeding and playgrounds. I guess I feel a little boring but am trying to be proud of the beautiful life I am creating for me and my girls.
I heard 3 times today that people read my blog so I thought I'd give it another shot. I am going to post every day in March as a challenge to myself. Even if its just a photo or quote of the day.

Here's what's been on my mind lately. Dating. How and when will I go about it???? I really feel ready to move on and share my life with a partner but the timing right now would be ridiculous. Kaliya never leaves me for more than three hours due to the boob factor. Lyric sleeps with me six nights of the week. Then there is the naked dilemma. Getting naked with a new person 7 months after birthing is scary. Mommies are beautiful and glorious and strong but things aren't quite what they used to be. The tummy still looks a bit like someone lives inside it. The boobs are big and round and porn star-like but leak milk if provoked. I think the butt is somewhat wider although still nice and round. Everywhere else (wink) has recovered nicely as far as I can tell. The whole yummy mummy/milf thing drives me nuts. But thats a whole other entry.
Wow so I just realized I started out writing about dating but really wrote about getting laid. Interesting. Perhaps I'm not that lonely but am dreading another trip to Costco for batteries. God I hate that store. Only the nickel sized pieces of free Bagel Bites make it tolerable.
Anyway - I think I'd love some male company and someone to do the boy things around my house but cant see when that will be feasible or even when it is how I'll go about it. Any thoughts???

Thursday, January 17, 2008

First blog rant

Ok so I need to rant for a moment. Never say to a mother of small children, "God you look so tired." Piss off. I am tired, I know I'm tired and you pointing out that I also look like crap doesn't help me out. Seriously what are people thinking. I feel worse for about 2 days whenever someone points out how tired I look.
On the other hand a tiny kind word can last me for days. Here are some suggestions (real things people have said to me ) in case you can't get past the circles under my eyes.
"I love the look on your face when you are nursing your daughter - you look so peaceful"
"Your eyes just light up when you are with your baby."
"You look so natural with that babe in your arms."

If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.
Thank you.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

No more free ride

Cleaning up after your kids gets old fast. Since Kaliya is now an entire 6 months old I figured it's time she pitched in. Here she is washing her dishes after supper tonight. No more free ride. Plus with the labour shortage in Alberta perhaps should could get some part-time work at the greek place down the road. She has alot of free time.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Why two-year-olds are hilarious

OK so sorry to all my AP friends who already read this post but to everyone else these are some of my favorite one-liners from the last few months.

Lyric wakes up one morning and takes a big deep inhale of our sheets and says, "Mmmmm this bed smells like everyone I love."

That warm fuzzy feeling lasted a few days until:
L "If I had hairy armpits like you I'd shave it off."
M "Why is that?"
L "I'm pretty sure thats the part that makes you smell like an ogre."

L "Mom are you a people?"
M "Yeah I'm a person are you a person?"
L "I'm a person on the outside and a penguin in my heart."
M "I wonder what it feels like to be a penguin in your heart?"
L "Cold and fishy."

L "I love Daddy and Kaliya loves you."
M "I love all of you and think you love me too."
L "I'll think about it and send you an email."

L "I just peed on your floor"
M "WHy?"
L "I forgot I'm not a puppy.

From the bathroom one day , "COde brown code brown someone better come wipe this ass." Honestly I have no idea where that one came from.

And my all time favorite was one night when Kaliya was being a bugger for hours on end in the middle of the night. Frustrated I say to Lyric at about 4am, "Ugh should I just go put her downstairs in the swing by herself?" COmpletely disgusted by my idea she replied, "That idea doesn't have enough love for a baby. Give her to me." So I pass her over and within 10 minutes we are all settled to sleep.

Monday, January 14, 2008

2007 Reflections

What did I learn in 2007??? Lots and lots I'm sure but here are the first things that come to my mind:
*Two year olds are not terrible they are fucking hilarious
*My brother and sisters are kind and generous people
*Birth can be orgasmic
*No matter how unhappy you may think you are, divorce is really sad
*I have some really good friends
*If you have a friend who is nasty to all her other friends and husband you are not immune to her evilness. Don't kid yourself.
*My body can provide for 3 babies
*If you are willing to ask for help it will be there
*Farts are funny no matter how old you are
*Cloth diapering is addictive (weird I know)
*I leave an impression on people and they remember me
*Days last forever but the years go too fast
* You can be friends with people you are very different from
*Malls are boring and I really dont need to ever go to them
*Coffee keeps me going
*I can be very mature
*I can be very immature
*Penguins are facinating creatures
*There is always a sadder story
*I'm getting older
*I still have a funny and charming side
*Coconut oil is great in cookies
*Moxibustion hurts
*Group therapy is good
*Being around like-minded parents is super important
*I'm a good mommy

Ok thats the list off the top of my head. It was a big year.

Hi all

Ok so I've decided to start a blog. Just a day in the life of me. Whatever is on my mind is going in the posts so I apologize in advance for the boring nature of a lot of my thoughts. I am going to attempt to write for mysef and not any intended audience. I welcome your comments and thoughts. Here we go........