Saturday, March 1, 2008

My highly sensitive child

I read a book that changed me. It is called "The Highly Sensitive Child" and it describes my Lyric perfectly. As much as I hate to label, no phrase could describe Lyric as well as "highly sensitive". The basic premise is that 15% of the population (across all species; interestingly) is born with a nervous system that works better than average or is more sensitive. Their eyes, ears, tastes work better, they are very emotionally sensitive and notice EVERYTHING. This is a great trait to have in many ways. My daughter points out so many minute and beautiful details of life to me. She notices and remembers everything. She can connect deeply with people one-on-one. She is aware of other people's feelings and is generally kind and gentle. She is very aware of safety and I never worry about her getting hurt or going missing. She learns quickly and gets humour.
It can also however be frustrating and exhausting. Because she notices everything, she finds it hard to ignore little details. Seams on socks, tags on underwear, heavy coats, boots that dont bend enough; all of these drive her crazy and make it hard not to focus on it. She only likes to wear "fuzzy clothes". If these clothes get a bit dirty or wet she needs to change them. Also her feelings get hurt deeply. She likes to observe rather than participate until she is comfortable and gets overwhelmed by lots of noisy kids. I don't think her preschool teacher heard her talk for 2 months.
Birthday parties are tricky. She LOVES to plan her birthday and all the people who will come. However reality can be overwhelming. So many kids, so much noise and then everyone wanting to make her the centre of attention etc. means a meltdown pretty much every year. For her first and second birthday she bawled when everyone sang Happy Birthday. So today (3!) I had them sing to me (after all I gave birth to her). I know after the fact she'd be sad if there was no birthday song but would cry if everyone stared at her and sang. It worked all right - if a little weird. We also didnt open gifts at the party. This was really hard for me as it felt a bit rude but I tell myself it would be worse if she cried the whole time and told everyone she didnt want their gifts. I know how excited she'll be to open her gifts without the audience and plan to take pictures of her with them and send them pictures with Thank You cards. Despite being overwhelmed the second half of the party, by us not pushing it she is already talking about how much fun she had.
It is a struggle for me to accept this challenge of raising a sensitive introverted child with respect and gentleness. I am someone who gets energized by being around people and she finds crowds drain her energy. I try not to be sad that she doesn't love being adventurous and is so cautious of her safety she misses chances for fun. I hate that she is most comfortable in ugly fleece jogging suits instead of the cute clothes I'd have her wear.
I love how much I am growing as a mom as I learn to understand and respect what makes her tick. I have learned to let go of other peoples opinions that I cater to her or am too lenient. I dont put value on her physical appearance and she knows I love her for who she is. I love how deeply connected her and I are and how she points out things about myself I never noticed. I love that she has others in her life that she trusts and opens up to and lives joyously in her own way.
I hope I continue to understand her and grow as her mother.

5 comments:

alexis said...

that was beautiful gemma!

ps. im glad you're blogging again :)

Sarah said...

this was a great read gemma! keep it up!

Gem said...

Thanks for the encouragement girls. I love when people leave comments.

kim said...

welcome too the club.... it took me untill Connor was about 5 years old to recognize these amazing characteristics and little quirks!

Anonymous said...

Gemma. I am HSP too. It's awesome to be aware but it also can be hard if your to aware.
That's cool, I have never heard anyone else talk about it before, that's why the title caught my eye.