Three going on thirty.

Lyric says to me in the car today out of nowhere
"If you ever can't come home I'll take care of your baby for you."

me:"What do you mean?"

L:"If you died or got lost I would keep Kaliya as my baby and make her happy all the time. Dont worry about your baby."

I was so caught offguard that all I said was "Thank you." What a deep- thinking little soul I have. And one lucky little baby.

Brain Explosions

It is crazy what three days can do in a baby's life. Kaliya has learned the following new tricks in the last 3 days:

*say "Hi"

*wave bye bye

*sign "more"

*sign "milk"

*sign "eat"

*sit up from lying down on her own

* almost crawl

* 16 poops in a row on the potty

* tip a cup on her own

* splash in the tub

*walk holding onto fingers

Three days ago I felt like I had a little baby. Today I feel like I better start saving for her grad dress. :(

Happy Birthing Day to Me.

Well as of yesterday I have been a mommy for exactly 3 years now. Wow. I can remember delivering Lyric into the world like it was yesterday. Perhaps thats becasue L watches her birth story every other day lol. Seriously though March 3rd will always be a proufoundly important day to me. The day I became mommy. I think it strange that birthdays are not a shared day of celebration for the mother and child. Sadly this thought never even crossed my mind as a daughter and it is too late for me now to honor my own mother on my birthday. If you have a mother, surprise her this year with a flower and a card that says "Happy Birthing Day." I can almost promise you your birthday was profound and transformational for her; especially if you are her oldest or only child. Sometime in the future I have alot to write about what it is like to become a mother without your mother around. There is alot for me to say.
On a related note I highly encourage you to see the documentary "The Business of Being Born." It is great and I love the message that birthing is a transforming experience and not just "one day of your life." See it. Then talk to me about it.

Can't blog - still sick

Sick Babies

I have determined the worst part of single motherhood. Even worse than the celibate lifestyle and lack of sleep is when your babies are sick. How is it possible to comfort two sick babies at one time??? Lyric is soo soo sick today she has been asleep for 20 of the last 24 hours and has a fever of 104 degrees. (could explain the birthday meltdown yesterday). She cant stand up and has peed the bed 3 times because she cant move. She needs me touching her at all times. Kaliya is only mildly sick in comparison but enough that noone but mommy is acceptable. I've only left their side to pee and even then they both sob the whole time. All I can think of is what if I were sick right now too??? What would I do?? If you are reading this please send positive healing vibes to my babies and strength for me to make it through what is sure to be an exhausting night.

My highly sensitive child

I read a book that changed me. It is called "The Highly Sensitive Child" and it describes my Lyric perfectly. As much as I hate to label, no phrase could describe Lyric as well as "highly sensitive". The basic premise is that 15% of the population (across all species; interestingly) is born with a nervous system that works better than average or is more sensitive. Their eyes, ears, tastes work better, they are very emotionally sensitive and notice EVERYTHING. This is a great trait to have in many ways. My daughter points out so many minute and beautiful details of life to me. She notices and remembers everything. She can connect deeply with people one-on-one. She is aware of other people's feelings and is generally kind and gentle. She is very aware of safety and I never worry about her getting hurt or going missing. She learns quickly and gets humour.
It can also however be frustrating and exhausting. Because she notices everything, she finds it hard to ignore little details. Seams on socks, tags on underwear, heavy coats, boots that dont bend enough; all of these drive her crazy and make it hard not to focus on it. She only likes to wear "fuzzy clothes". If these clothes get a bit dirty or wet she needs to change them. Also her feelings get hurt deeply. She likes to observe rather than participate until she is comfortable and gets overwhelmed by lots of noisy kids. I don't think her preschool teacher heard her talk for 2 months.
Birthday parties are tricky. She LOVES to plan her birthday and all the people who will come. However reality can be overwhelming. So many kids, so much noise and then everyone wanting to make her the centre of attention etc. means a meltdown pretty much every year. For her first and second birthday she bawled when everyone sang Happy Birthday. So today (3!) I had them sing to me (after all I gave birth to her). I know after the fact she'd be sad if there was no birthday song but would cry if everyone stared at her and sang. It worked all right - if a little weird. We also didnt open gifts at the party. This was really hard for me as it felt a bit rude but I tell myself it would be worse if she cried the whole time and told everyone she didnt want their gifts. I know how excited she'll be to open her gifts without the audience and plan to take pictures of her with them and send them pictures with Thank You cards. Despite being overwhelmed the second half of the party, by us not pushing it she is already talking about how much fun she had.
It is a struggle for me to accept this challenge of raising a sensitive introverted child with respect and gentleness. I am someone who gets energized by being around people and she finds crowds drain her energy. I try not to be sad that she doesn't love being adventurous and is so cautious of her safety she misses chances for fun. I hate that she is most comfortable in ugly fleece jogging suits instead of the cute clothes I'd have her wear.
I love how much I am growing as a mom as I learn to understand and respect what makes her tick. I have learned to let go of other peoples opinions that I cater to her or am too lenient. I dont put value on her physical appearance and she knows I love her for who she is. I love how deeply connected her and I are and how she points out things about myself I never noticed. I love that she has others in her life that she trusts and opens up to and lives joyously in her own way.
I hope I continue to understand her and grow as her mother.