Thursday, February 5, 2009

Bow Chicka Bow Wow

Let's talk about sex.......
I have been involved in several conversations over the past few days about post-partum sex. Some people asked if I thought co-sleeping damaged the sex-life of new parents after reading my last post. My honest answer is a definate NO. The number one thing that make new moms less interested in sex is being too tired to do it. CO-sleeping really does increase the amount of restful sleep you get as a new mom. If you are uncomfortable having sex with baby in the same room or bed it forces you to sneak around and be creative. You go back to having sex in the shower, the living room, the kitchen counter etc. Instead of a crib put an extra double bed in the baby's room and have a "festivities room." There is a new level of excitement, not just doing it the same old way in your bed.
Another reason woman lose interest in sex is dealing with all the physical changes that come with pregnancy and birth. The average post-partum figure is our society's best hidden secret. I honestly had never seen another woman's body who looked like mine a few months after givng birth. My idea of normal is the pictures i saw in the tabloids as I waited in line at Superstore. We have become obsessed ith how quickly celebrities "shed the baby weight." I didnt realize what stretch marks could look like. I didnt consider that skin doesnt just snap back into place. I felt ugly and ashamed by my post-Lyric body. My belly looked kind of like a balloon that had been left on a heat vent. Shrivelled up and wrinkled and slightly rounded. How's that for a visual?? Luckily I stumbled upon the website www.theshapeofamother.com and it changed me. I got to look at hundreds and hundreds of post-partum bodies. I was shocked. I was normal. I was.......beautiful? Maybe. I want everyone who reads this to check out that site. It's FANTASTIC. If you struggle to feel sexy because of how pregnancy changed your body, spend a half hour a day on the website. Everyday. Until you start to feel different. I haven't posted my own pictures yet but I will. I'm getting close to being brave enough. I look with my daughters and point out how beautiful all the women's different bodies are. You can only say those things so many times before you really start to beleive them. Maybe I will really overshare and post some pics of my belly here. Who wants to see?
Another little known post-partum secret is the newly sensitive g-spot. This is not something I've EVER seen written about so I'm gonna tell you about it. Amongst my friends, those of us who had natural vaginal births the majority of us saw a HUGE change in how "reactive" our g-spots were. Like a little gift from the baby for letting it pass by. My theory (since I haven't been able to find anything to read about it) is that in the process of birthing your cervix and vagina both change shape permanently and this puts your g-spot in a more prominent position. Whatever makes it happen its great!
Now me being who I am I have to put in a plug for home-birth and midwives. I really believe that for me sex got better after each baby and the same is true for many women I know. Others though, who had traumatic hospital births that involved tearing, or worse cutting, forceps or vaccums ended up with painful scar tissue that has ruined their sex life. My midwife was very concerned with keeping me "in-tact" and for that I am soooooooo grateful! She sat at my bedside with a crockpot full of warm oils and rags and massaged and supported all my tissues as I pushed my baby out. She didnt yell and count at me to push but encouraged me to go slowly and according to my urges so that I'd have time to stretch. I had two ten pound babies naturally with no stitches and no painful scar tissue and that alone is reason enough to consider a midwife.
Wow this is not quite the post I set out to write but am going to publish it anyway. Sorry if I've scared any of my readers off!
Tomorrow Renee I'll tell you about the circus.

7 comments:

CrazyAssDreams said...

I'm so happy that sight you visited allowed you to see the beauty we have all seen in you before, during and after your pregnancies...I hope you still see it every time you look in a mirror. If not, call me! I can see it, even from this far away. Always.
xoxo

CrazyAssDreams said...

I can't believe I spelled that "sight" instead of "site".

Alisha said...

I love that website too. I think that it is great that you show the girls what "real" women look like post baby. They are so lucky to have you as their mom!

Kelly said...

I love that site, I haven't been there in a while though. But I know after Judith was born and I was this big, squishy blob, it really helped me.

Also, that is really interesting about the postpartum g-spot thing! I found that sex was so much better after I became a mom, I thought I was some kind of freak, lol. I was dry and uninterested before I got my period back (6 mos w/J and 7 w/G), and not to mention exhausted. But once my cycle started again it was great. Then there's pregnancy sex, I think my hubby is afraid of me when I'm pregnant, lol. There was a thread on the AP group about that a while ago (only about being disinterested while pregnant), so I felt like a freak then too. Oh well.

I also like how co-sleeping makes us more creative. = )

And I'm totally cracking up, the word verification below says "whove", but the way it's written it totally looks like whore! LOL

Anonymous said...

Hey! Festivities room is mine! You can't have it. Well, I guess you can, but cite your sources ;) Haha! JK! But seriously, Shannon gets freaked out every time I refer to the festivities room (which is also the guest bedroom).
Lee

Renee said...

Kelly - my DH was totally disinterested in me pregnant, too! Glad I'm not the only one.

Looking forward to hearing about the circus!

Gem said...

Hmmm Renee
Im pretty sure thats not what Kelly meant about pregnant sex.